Same struggle

I started this blog in June of 2005.

My subtitle has been “finding my voice.”

I guess at some point I thought that would be over. I thought that struggle was temporary, that someday I’d find my voice, I’d know what I’m doing, and I’d just sing.

Yet that struggle hasn’t gone away. Eight years later it has simply intensified. I’m so different than I was back then when I was barely 30 years old, trying to get through the very beginning of the priesthood process. I’ve lived what feels like a thousand lives since then. I’ve seen so much of life and a shockingly large amount of death. I’ve faced the hardest realities about myself, and I’ve faced riot police on more than one occasion. I’ve been poorer than I’ve ever been before and both sadder and happier than I’ve ever been. I’ve made a lot of friends and lost some and learned some very very hard truths.

Through it all, the search for my voice, or, I suppose, more accurately, the ability to raise my voice without being afraid. I’m always so scared – of what, I don’t know. Of being called a loose cannon. Of not being “nice” or “good.” Of being seen as a problem when I think I’m being prophetic. Of “never working in this town again.” (Not an unfounded fear, by the way – one high profile parish actually refuses to work with me due to my involvement with Occupy.)

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~ by Sophia on August 15, 2013.

3 Responses to “Same struggle”

  1. I’m so glad to find you again. This is Songbird, updating and recreating the RevGals’ blogroll. All I can say is being faithful to God and using the voice the Spirit calls us to sing with is better than not doing it, even though doing it often does mean some people won’t want to listen. Keep singing!

  2. Hello!
    I have started an Episcopalian Bloggers linkup at my blog, TheJonesesBlog.com, and wondered if you were interested in joining. The Episcopalian Bloggers linkup’s purpose is to promote the diversity of Episcopalians by advertising your church membership through a blog badge and blogroll. Having a collection of blogging Episcopalians in one place would be amazing for anyone interested in knowing exactly who Episcopalians are. (Which is to say, they are a diverse group of people.)

    To join the linkup, simple visit the Episcopalian Bloggers page on my blog @ http://www.thejonesesblog.com/2013/09/episcopalian-bloggers.html, retrieve the badge code, and add your blog’s information to the linkup. If you have any questions or concern, please contact me. I would love to have you join us!

    Lisa Jones

    • I haven’t been here in so long… but I’m glad to see your reply! Thank you for the encouragement.

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