Clarity

This afternoon, caught in a mental spiral of insecurity and overwhelmed by worrying about everything and anything, I called a close friend. It was a call that I was hesitant to make, since I am not fond (who is!) of showing anyone, even those I like and trust, my most vulnerable side.
The thing about taking that risk, making that call, and saying out loud those thing which were weighing me down is this:
It touched something, resonated in some key way, with my friend. At some point the call went from me venting to both of us actually telling each other the truth about the things that gnaw away at our confidence and our sense of call. It wasn’t a competition, a game of “my stress is bigger than your stress.” No. Instead, it was one of those moments, a little refuge in time, when I was reminded, yet again, of how universal this sort of thing is to the human condition. I was reminded of the reality of the lurking insecurities that plague each of us, and how hiding and burying those insecurities contributes to our isolation from each other, and from ourselves.
Somewhere in the course of conversation we began to talk about the relationship each of us has with God. We agreed that if we could only remember the truth each of us has seen – truth revealed in stunning, brilliant, brief moments of clarity – the reality that ultimately a human being’s primary relationship is between the person and God – our lives would be vastly different. If I, if each of us, could just remember that everything else is just details, and that my unity with God, our unity with God is the most important thing, I would be free. We would be free. Free to love with all the love that comes from God. Free to live. Free to think of today without worrying so much over tomorrow. Free to rejoice, to sorrow, to share, to build. If only I could remember. If only we each could remember.

The thing about that phone conversation was that it was, in its own very human way, a reminder of that reality. Sometimes we each let go of our acting, of keeping up appearances, and instead deal with each other as we are. As we would if we could remember that ultimate connection to God. Today I had one of those moments, and I am profoundly grateful.

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~ by Sophia on March 1, 2010.

One Response to “Clarity”

  1. Amen. Thanks be to God for living reminders.

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