The lost year

Or the lost nine months or so. That’s what I worry that this year is going to be. I’m doing part time CPE. I’m doing parish work (about to start doing some youth ministry with my husband too) and I’m just barely hanging on. Details are falling between the cracks. I’m doing an okay job of being a friend, but not a particularly good job of being a daughter, aunt, granddaughter, or sister (all of which seem so much more complicated and fraught with potential trouble.) I’m doing an okay job as a wife most of the time. Sometimes not so much. Above all, I’m just tired, not sleepy, but just emotionally worn out and run down. And I have another 6 months of CPE planned. SIgh. Part of me knows that there is no way this will be “the lost year” because I can feel my approach to people, to situations, to ministry, to life changing bit by bit already. This work has done wonders for my identity as a pastor and an ordained person. But at what cost? I really don’t know, and that worries me.

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~ by Sophia on November 7, 2009.

One Response to “The lost year”

  1. I would wager that all of us who are starting into ordained ministry share that bone-weariness that you describe. It is hard work living into a new identity that is an ontological earthquake shift. You are doing brilliant work, and you write of it so very movingly. If you started out this journey wondering if you would find your voice, let me tell you (resoundingly) that you have. Blessings, friend.

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