Lack of blogging

Those of you who read this blog (if there’s anyone left, that is) have probably noticed I don’t blog much anymore.

It’s not that I don’t want to. I do, I really do.

One of the reasons for the lack of blogging is, of course, time. It takes a lot of time and energy to blog, time and energy that I’m supposed to be using for other things.

Another reason is the nature of the things that are going on. Much of the senior year stuff – frustration with the end of the ordination process, my thoughts about the job search and what my diocese may or may not want to do with me, etc. are not great blogging material. Not because I don’t have thoughts and feelings about them. On the contrary, I have LOTS of thoughts about the whole experience, and even more stress. But I’m not sure those thoughts are best expressed online where they can be read by anyone and everyone.

The biggest reason, however, is that the things that I find myself thinking about the most these days are really not blog material. Two things have formed me the most in seminary – the chapel and my experience as a sacristan (that’s one thing) and my interactions with my peers. For example, I’m working on a paper for my Ascetical Theology class on spirituality and CPE. My data for the paper came exclusively from 8 middlers who agreed to be interviewed not once but twice about their CPE experiences. Their stories, their openness, their trust in me – all of these things changed the course of my semester. More detail than that I cannot offer.

Another area about which a lot of details won’t appear in my blog is my preaching class this semester. We each had to preach three sermons – one for baptism, one for a wedding, and one for a funeral. I can say that I wrote a baptism sermon for my niece/god daughter, a wedding sermon for a widowed friend who remarried last year, and a funeral homily in honor of my freshman year roommate who died suddenly last year. Most of us worked out some of our “stuff” in at least one of our sermons (in my case it was the wedding sermon.) In the case of funeral sermons in particular, people tried to give some sort of closure to events in the past. A mother who had been poorly eulogized by a callous priest. A student who had committed suicide in the midst of chaos and controversy. A man who died of AIDS only to be eulogized by a preacher without compassion or tact. All people that had been known to class members and in whose honor sermons were written and preached for the group.

And what else? I’ve been a witness, a listener, an observer of so many things this semester, but more than anything of people’s stories and people’s secrets. Recently I went to an ordination of a close friend. You know, all ordinations are important, and special. But some just have that extra… something. I don’t know what it is or how to explain it in a way that won’t offend someone. But the reality is that the path to ordination is different for each person. Some people fly along the path, with hardly ever a disappointment or struggle. They might feel like they struggle, but that is only because they have no idea of the stories of some of their peers. Then there are others who have a long, difficult path to ordination. They are no less called by God than those who have it easy; in fact, my bias tends to be for those with the tough path. Anyway, I recently went to one of those ordinations of someone who had really struggled to get to that day. Not because they were any less called or intelligent or qualified than most (more than most, I would agree) but because so many obstacles that were not their fault were placed in their way. The Church is a better institution today than it was before that ordination… Oh how I wish I could tell more, tell the story I know, talk about the things overcome… but I can’t. There will be more ordinations like that, some in my class, some in the class after me, but I won’t get to blog those stories either.

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~ by Sophia on December 13, 2008.

2 Responses to “Lack of blogging”

  1. I totally get it. Senior year is so full of stuff, and the culmination of so much. I hope your semester ends well, and you have a bit of a rest before GOEs (and don’t do what I did which was to get sicker than I’d been all through seminary the week before GOEs!)And good luck with the whole deployment thing, too. And will your husband be looking for a position as well (thinking that he finishes law school this year)?

  2. Ditto, ditto, ditto. I’m finding I’m using the blog as an update tool for extended family, so it tends to be about various and sundry medical stuff, neutral stuff, a little about seminary life, highly redacted, and posting of my sermons…but the heavy stuff just isn’t going there. Not because I think I’ll be outed – none of my stuff is all that controversial or shocking – but because it just doesn’t seem the place for that kind of material.As for the deployment stuff, aaaarrrrgggghhhh. Our deployment folks are warning us that jobs will be hard to come by. There are several of us in my cohort in this diocese. I figure God got me into this, God will have something in mind, unless she’s really got an odd sense of humor.See you on that other place.

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