Still struggling with summer

Summer has been fun in some ways – I’ve had time to enjoy gorgeous weather, sit out late talking with people, read things I actually want to read, etc. I’ve seen two movies with friends in the middle of weekdays – something I’ve never had time to do before. I had something fun to do every evening from last thurs through sunday – dinner thurs with my husband and a couple I’ve come to love spending time with, dinner out with just my husband on fri, a movie sat. night, and shakespeare in central park on sunday with a couple we’ve been friends with since the day we walked on the Close two years ago.

However, there is another reality of my summer. The days when the Close is empty (or filled with summer renters I’ve never seen before – strange) and the evenings when my husband’s internship keeps him late are turning out to be as hard as I was worried they would be.

Sometimes it’s easy to get things done and enjoy the solitude, but sometimes not so much. I’ve found myself with lots and lots of free time to think (and sometime that’s not a good thing.) This is the first spare time I’ve had to really think through everything that has happened to me (The Process) in the last 4 1/2 years. Feelings of joy, gratitude, and excitement about what’s ahead are common; so, unfortunately, are insecurities about just about everything.

One thing I’m trying to work on this summer is my introverted side that manifests itself as shyness. There is a side of me that hates disorganized social events (coffee hour, cocktail parties, etc.) even with people I know well. I find it hard to figure out who to talk to and about what. Another way this introversion or whatever the heck you want to call it shows up is in the fact that it is really hard for me to invite people to do things with me. My extroverted husband doesn’t get this. In his mind, if you want to have coffee to catch up with someone, you just ask them and go do it. Yeah right. I stress out about it for a long time before ever writing an email or a message on facebook. It’s so much easier for me to just spend time with friends because we happen to be together – in class, at the same lunch table, in the sacristy, in a study group. Being intentional about it – scary. And unfortunately having a social life in the summer on the Close requires being intentional. Keeping in touch with people after graduation, something that is beginning to cross my mind – is all about intentional. The funny thing about all that intentionality is that it results in closer friendships – something this introvert craves and prefers to cocktail party politeness any day.

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~ by Sophia on June 25, 2008.

4 Responses to “Still struggling with summer”

  1. I so resonate with everything you say about being an introvert..the awkwardness, the fear of asking someone to do something with you. Often I’d end up feeling left out b/c no one asked me to do something, when really it’s just b/c all the extroverts just assume everyone feels included. I’m still working on that, too. Many a Sunday I hang out in the sacristy “assisting” the altar guild after church to decrease the amount of time I have to spend at coffee hour. Next time I’m in the city, let’s meet for coffee–one introvert to another πŸ™‚

  2. I will (some day) get out of the Oklahoma abyss and come have coffee!I miss you and hope you’re taking care of yourself.

  3. My husband also seems to struggle with the “just call and ask them” thing. It’s hard for us extroverts to understand. And, in fact, I often am fooled into thinking that the introvert doesn’t want to spend time with me because they don’t ever invite me to things, so then I stop inviting them. It is a strange thing to understand from both perspectives, I suppose.As for the emptiness of the Close, I remember it well from last summer. I found myself spending time with folks that I rarely engage with simply because they were there. Strangely enough, when school resumes, you will find yourself resentful of all the new people that are arriving – as much as you long for the place to be full of people, I wanted them to be familiar people.Hang in there. And come down to visit us if you’re bored. It’s a short, and relatively cheap, train ride. you can stay with us. It’s not Europe or anything, but we’re fun people.

  4. To Rev Dr Mom – I’d love to see you the next time you’re in the city. And thank you for resonating with my introversion. πŸ™‚To Evil Fizz – I’m doing better than when I posted this. I hope things are going well in the dust bowl/bible belt hell and I hope you escape soon. I hope to see you in NYC sometime (oooh, come do seminarian things!) or more likely Seattle in August. Don’t worry about being settled or whatever; we’ll grab lunch or something. To Julie -I hope your toe is feeling a little better and your job is going well. I would love to visit, maybe at the end of Aug? I’ve actually got a lot of work to do through the end of July; I’ve just been whining about the solitude. I think I am finally starting to adapt a bit more to the empty Close. But oh man, who are all those subletters and when do they leave? I know, I’m not very nice. You were right – one of the gifts of this summer has actually been getting to know some folks a lot better – middlers/class of 2010 especially.

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