The Road Ahead

Lorna over at See Through Faith (http://stf.heavenlytrain.com) recently posted this gem from Thomas Merton –

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact
that I think that I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you. And I hope I have
that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart
from that desire. And I know that if I do
this you will lead me by the right road
though I may seem to be lost and in the
shadow of death. I will not fear, for you
will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Amen

(Thomas Merton, from Thoughts in Solitude.)

This prayer is just right for where I am in my life right now.

Next Saturday I will have my diocesan Commission on Ministry interview. This is the interview I’ve been waiting for/dreading for almost a year and a half. I can’t believe it’s almost here. Long ago I convinced myself that I would be much more “on the ball” by the time I reached this point in the process. Part of me says maybe I have grown and changed. Maybe I am ready for this next step. But another part of me feels no more prepared for this interview and the challenges that come after it than i was when I first started this journey.

I do not know what will come next, and how it will affect me and my husband, that amazing person who is willing to go where ever I go and handles just about everything with patience, kindness, and humor. I can only hope that I am doing what I am called to do, or that if I’m not, I will come to understand that and will find the right path.

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~ by Sophia on September 9, 2005.

5 Responses to “The Road Ahead”

  1. Prepared? I’m almost at the end of the process that you are just beginning, and I still don’t know that I’m “prepared.” All I do most days is keep on keepin’ on, and trust that God will do something good with my meager efforts.And I do love that Thomas Merton piece. It was posted on my bulletin board through three years of seminary, and some days meant the difference between givng up and trying again.Go with God, sister– and know that you will be in my prayers next Saturday.

  2. *hugs* good luck with your COM meeting! it can be never wracking, but I learned a lot from not being ‘on the ball.’ I don’t think I’m on it, even now, and I’m starting seminary!best of luck, and I’ll be thinking of you Saturday.

  3. Good luck with COM. I’m just starting my PDC (as you know) and am terrified of COM, as there are stories about some very snarky questions being asked.The Thomas Merton prayer is one of my favorites. I printed it out when I first started this process, and carry it in my wallet. It fits my general cluelessness.Blessings and hugs!

  4. Thanks everyone for the hugs and pep talks. Every time I get to another step in the process I do this – I stress about it for weeks and then I survive afblrfvnd decide it wasn’t that bad after all. 🙂 Sigh. I have to say I’m happy to finally meet the other aspirants. It sounds like there are about 5 or 6 of us. The discernment process has been a little lonely without knowing anyone in the state going through the same thing.

  5. it’s a beautiful prayer isn’t it? I’m back to it again after having blogged about it a month ago because it resonates so deep.I do not know where I am going . yikes!but God does.and I’m struggling with a sermon for Sunday – I so want to rip off the mask and stomp on it until is shatters but I am fearful and that’s a scary place to be.and this prayer helps because I don’t want to doanything outside of his will – and having that desire keeps me on track – His track 🙂be blessed!

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